We follow rules because they keep order, they provide safety, and they prevent loss and heartache. Rules give us the framework in which we live our lives. Without rules, we would be lost. Rules serve to carry out law. And without law, we would be stripped of our most precious gift. Rules are instruments with which we can use our agency to bring us happiness. We may choose whatever we wish, but rules let us know what is right and what is wrong.
But sometimes we must break rules. Sometimes one rule which falls under one law is not congruent with another rule we wish to abide by. Both are rules, and both designed to keep us happy and free. We then are left to choose which rule we want to follow. Because we are fallible, we will make a wrong choice. Sometimes we follow this rule and break that one when we should have broken the former and followed the latter. Sometimes we choose to save our own skins by sticking to a certain set of rules when we should have set aside those rules to follow a higher law. But when is it right to follow those rules, to put your foot down? When is it right to just let them go? What consequences are we willing to accept?
just thinking,
M
29.5.10
S to L-A-B
I took one look at that piece of Pizza and my stomach hurt.
so big, but so good.
I went with three other friends, so we all picked one and then shared, which was the best idea ever. Thai chicken, BBQ chicken, Buffalo wing, Veg+pep+sausage. I must say that the thai chicken was my favorite, but I really shouldn't even say that, it was all just so yummy. The atmosphere is awesome (different and hip, but not in a trendy, stuck up kind of a way) and the owner rocks (we even got free t-shirts). It's a tiny little place and since the weather was nice, we sat outside. It was a great idea until this darling little boy came and sat at the table next to us. I stopped eating and talking and even thinking and was completely mesmerized by him. I mean the kid had a bowl cut and chubby cheeks, along with a hilarious personality and I couldn't resist.
All and all, success!
M
ps: just a little warning, the pieces are literally a 1/4 of a pizza so go hungry or share or box it up or feed it to the ducks on the way home but be prepared
so big, but so good.
I went with three other friends, so we all picked one and then shared, which was the best idea ever. Thai chicken, BBQ chicken, Buffalo wing, Veg+pep+sausage. I must say that the thai chicken was my favorite, but I really shouldn't even say that, it was all just so yummy. The atmosphere is awesome (different and hip, but not in a trendy, stuck up kind of a way) and the owner rocks (we even got free t-shirts). It's a tiny little place and since the weather was nice, we sat outside. It was a great idea until this darling little boy came and sat at the table next to us. I stopped eating and talking and even thinking and was completely mesmerized by him. I mean the kid had a bowl cut and chubby cheeks, along with a hilarious personality and I couldn't resist.
All and all, success!
M
ps: just a little warning, the pieces are literally a 1/4 of a pizza so go hungry or share or box it up or feed it to the ducks on the way home but be prepared
Gloria's
She had gotten the job, which meant she was not leaving me (yet) so we headed here to celebrate. My first restaurant I got to cross of the list.
mmm, gnocchi. Such an odd word for something that tastes so good. I could hardly remember the last time I had it, and I knew I needed to order it. It came swimming in a delightful rosy-pink sauce. Sadly I have to say, I was a little disappointed. It wasn't so much disappointment in the food as it was disappointment in myself. I knew that I should really love it. I knew that it was good quality, authentic Italian, but alas, I have had no exposure to "real" Italian food, nor do I eat any Italian food all that often, so I couldn't truly appreciate the hundreds of calories that were now coursing through my blood stream. I would compare the experience to how I feel about photography. I can tell the bad from the good, that's easy. But I can't tell the good from the great or the great from the visionary because I don't have the knowledge, exposure, experience, etc. I can tell Little Caesar's from Old Spaghetti Factory, but not Old Spaghetti from Little Gloria's (ok, I can actually make that distinction, but I couldn't think of a better example).
Since it was a little pricey and I wasn't raving about the food, and therefore wasn't sure if I would ever make it back, we decided we needed dessert. If you know me at all you know that any of the following words take away any and all self-control:
chocolate
molten
lava
cake
flourless
torte
triple chocolate
rich
fudge
And that's just what I ordered. A GIGANTIC molten chocolate cake that looked like pacman. It was so daunting I just stared at it, not knowing how or where to go about tackling this giant chocolate monster. It was yummy, but after about three bites I could eat no more (so full, like unbutton my pants full). So it was boxed up and eaten on the floor of my apartment in the wee hours by a bunch of gaggling girls.
Little Gloria's was proudly checked off the list. yay!
M
mmm, gnocchi. Such an odd word for something that tastes so good. I could hardly remember the last time I had it, and I knew I needed to order it. It came swimming in a delightful rosy-pink sauce. Sadly I have to say, I was a little disappointed. It wasn't so much disappointment in the food as it was disappointment in myself. I knew that I should really love it. I knew that it was good quality, authentic Italian, but alas, I have had no exposure to "real" Italian food, nor do I eat any Italian food all that often, so I couldn't truly appreciate the hundreds of calories that were now coursing through my blood stream. I would compare the experience to how I feel about photography. I can tell the bad from the good, that's easy. But I can't tell the good from the great or the great from the visionary because I don't have the knowledge, exposure, experience, etc. I can tell Little Caesar's from Old Spaghetti Factory, but not Old Spaghetti from Little Gloria's (ok, I can actually make that distinction, but I couldn't think of a better example).
Since it was a little pricey and I wasn't raving about the food, and therefore wasn't sure if I would ever make it back, we decided we needed dessert. If you know me at all you know that any of the following words take away any and all self-control:
chocolate
molten
lava
cake
flourless
torte
triple chocolate
rich
fudge
And that's just what I ordered. A GIGANTIC molten chocolate cake that looked like pacman. It was so daunting I just stared at it, not knowing how or where to go about tackling this giant chocolate monster. It was yummy, but after about three bites I could eat no more (so full, like unbutton my pants full). So it was boxed up and eaten on the floor of my apartment in the wee hours by a bunch of gaggling girls.
Little Gloria's was proudly checked off the list. yay!
M
Note to self: don't ever write these posts while at work and starving
26.5.10
here
This summer I'm stuck in Provo and itching to be anywhere but here. In an attempt to make this summer great despite this unfortunate fact, I started making lists.
Restaurants in Provo I've never been to, places I want to see in Utah, ways to stay sane at work (so far that list has not served me very well), things I need to get done this summer, things I want to save up for... lists lists lists.
Some lists are more fun than others, namely restaurants and adventures in Utah so to hold me accountable to these lists and to have something to do at work, I am documenting my excursions, writing reviews, telling stories, etc.
First round of adventure posts to appear shortly,
M
Restaurants in Provo I've never been to, places I want to see in Utah, ways to stay sane at work (so far that list has not served me very well), things I need to get done this summer, things I want to save up for... lists lists lists.
Some lists are more fun than others, namely restaurants and adventures in Utah so to hold me accountable to these lists and to have something to do at work, I am documenting my excursions, writing reviews, telling stories, etc.
First round of adventure posts to appear shortly,
M
20.5.10
W.O.R.K.
I've been feeling the roller coaster of the work force.
Sometimes I help people that are so appreciative, so kind. They make my job feel so worthwhile and meaningful. Sometimes I find just the thing they needed and I make their day. Sometimes I love the people I work with so much I just want to put them in my pocket and take them with me everywhere I go.
Other times my job seems pointless. I sit at the computer for two hours without helping a single person. Then someone finally comes along and they are snotty and mean and unappreciative and self-serving and unkind. And then a coworker forgets to come into work so I have to cover for them or they hover and ask nosy questions or they are just plain annoying. And I want to be done.
Until I think about job searching.
And then no matter how boring my job can be, it seems like a dream compared to formatting my resume, calling companies, and sending awkward inquiry emails.
Work is not always fun (hence why it is called work), but I feel like I'm learning so much at my job, even if sometimes the lesson learned is how to make a rubberband ball after 11 hours of work. And I love that I have the resources to give and save and occasionally spend. I love that I am building my own life and independence.
Isn't it so funny in life how often the things that seem to weigh us down, cause us pain, make us tired and stressed and annoyed and stretched are the very things that give us independence, self-sufficiency, happiness, resources, strength, character and ultimately freedom?
workin' like La Verkin,
M
Sometimes I help people that are so appreciative, so kind. They make my job feel so worthwhile and meaningful. Sometimes I find just the thing they needed and I make their day. Sometimes I love the people I work with so much I just want to put them in my pocket and take them with me everywhere I go.
Other times my job seems pointless. I sit at the computer for two hours without helping a single person. Then someone finally comes along and they are snotty and mean and unappreciative and self-serving and unkind. And then a coworker forgets to come into work so I have to cover for them or they hover and ask nosy questions or they are just plain annoying. And I want to be done.
Until I think about job searching.
And then no matter how boring my job can be, it seems like a dream compared to formatting my resume, calling companies, and sending awkward inquiry emails.
Work is not always fun (hence why it is called work), but I feel like I'm learning so much at my job, even if sometimes the lesson learned is how to make a rubberband ball after 11 hours of work. And I love that I have the resources to give and save and occasionally spend. I love that I am building my own life and independence.
Isn't it so funny in life how often the things that seem to weigh us down, cause us pain, make us tired and stressed and annoyed and stretched are the very things that give us independence, self-sufficiency, happiness, resources, strength, character and ultimately freedom?
workin' like La Verkin,
M
13.5.10
FOOD
I've been thinking about food.
How yummy it is, how much it costs, how my tastes have changed as I've grown, how social it can be, how comforting, how dangerous, how consuming.
I have never been more keenly aware of my mortal state, and therefore my dependence on food, than when I am fasting. Denying myself of such a privilege, such a need, makes me realize how utterly controlled I am by food. So much of life revolves around putting substance into our bodies to give us health, strength, nourishment, pleasure.
And that is how it was meant to be. God made us creatures of dependence for a reason. It reminds us that we are small, that all that we are does not come from inside of ourselves. We are built out of what we consume. Food comes from the earth, the earth from God, a blessing and privilege we have been given. We need food because we need Him.
Hungry for so much,
M
How yummy it is, how much it costs, how my tastes have changed as I've grown, how social it can be, how comforting, how dangerous, how consuming.
I have never been more keenly aware of my mortal state, and therefore my dependence on food, than when I am fasting. Denying myself of such a privilege, such a need, makes me realize how utterly controlled I am by food. So much of life revolves around putting substance into our bodies to give us health, strength, nourishment, pleasure.
And that is how it was meant to be. God made us creatures of dependence for a reason. It reminds us that we are small, that all that we are does not come from inside of ourselves. We are built out of what we consume. Food comes from the earth, the earth from God, a blessing and privilege we have been given. We need food because we need Him.
Hungry for so much,
M
19.4.10
kids today
I'm studying for the dreaded ochem final in the DEPTHS of the library, so you think I wouldn't be bothered right?
Think again. There are two kids studying stats right OUTSIDE of the group study rooms and the kid two seats down from me is watching music videos on his iphone WITHOUT his earphones in.
No wonder the future looks bleak: my generation stinks.
pray I can finish finals without any murder of fellow students,
M
Think again. There are two kids studying stats right OUTSIDE of the group study rooms and the kid two seats down from me is watching music videos on his iphone WITHOUT his earphones in.
No wonder the future looks bleak: my generation stinks.
pray I can finish finals without any murder of fellow students,
M
3.3.10
today
I woke up to go running at 6. ha. hit snooze twice and then gave in and reset my alarm clock.
Even then, I still woke up the earliest I have in days, but was the latest to school I've been in months (you can blame the hair for that one; it always takes longer than I think)
I finally trudged down to the depths of the ASB to get my W2 form. Wasn't even that traumatic
I spent about 10 minutes of the hour it took me to take my virology lab test drawing a beautiful lattice picture of hemagglutination. I told the professor he better appreciate the time I took to make it look nice. He said another kid in our class made his 3D with shading. dang it.
I thought I would be healthy and eat an apple, picked up a granny smith. mealy. WHAT?! I have never in all my life had a mealy granny smith apple. It was curious though... it was only mealy on one side. I spent the rest of dinner trying to figure out why. Wicked Witch? Mrs. Meers?
People keep asking me if I got my haircut. Some guy that I see at work occasionally (and who I don't know) looked at me funny from across the room, did a double take and then when he saw that I saw him said "you did something with new with your hair. I like it" Hmmm, defintely on the creepy scale.
Currently I'm trying to use my mind powers to get this attractive boy using a computer 10 feet away to come and talk to me. It's not working very well.
oh today. it was a good day.
kisses,
M
Even then, I still woke up the earliest I have in days, but was the latest to school I've been in months (you can blame the hair for that one; it always takes longer than I think)
I finally trudged down to the depths of the ASB to get my W2 form. Wasn't even that traumatic
I spent about 10 minutes of the hour it took me to take my virology lab test drawing a beautiful lattice picture of hemagglutination. I told the professor he better appreciate the time I took to make it look nice. He said another kid in our class made his 3D with shading. dang it.
I thought I would be healthy and eat an apple, picked up a granny smith. mealy. WHAT?! I have never in all my life had a mealy granny smith apple. It was curious though... it was only mealy on one side. I spent the rest of dinner trying to figure out why. Wicked Witch? Mrs. Meers?
People keep asking me if I got my haircut. Some guy that I see at work occasionally (and who I don't know) looked at me funny from across the room, did a double take and then when he saw that I saw him said "you did something with new with your hair. I like it" Hmmm, defintely on the creepy scale.
Currently I'm trying to use my mind powers to get this attractive boy using a computer 10 feet away to come and talk to me. It's not working very well.
oh today. it was a good day.
kisses,
M
6.2.10
microBIOLOGY part II
Remember this? Well, I have a few more things to add to the list:
You know you are a microbiology major when:
M
You know you are a microbiology major when:
- you gchat your roommate about your viruses forming syncytia
- all summer long people were asking you your opinion on swine flu like someone would ask an economist their opinion about the recession
- you think to yourself, "I'd rather someone stole my wallet than my backpack, I've worked way too hard on my lab notebook to redo it"
- when you hear someone has been sick you drill them endlessly about the details: how long did the fever last? What strain of strep did the doctor say you had? Was the cough productive or non-productive?
- you can't see potato salad without thinking: public. health. disaster.
- you spend your Friday afternoon straining your eyes under the microscope looking for CPE
- you read books called The Coming Plague
- you are late to work because you were busy performing immunocytochemistry and you had to finish applying your antibodies to your infected cells
M
5.2.10
Better
There is nothing better than starting off your day with fortified OJ in a powerpuff girl cup.
How's that for empowering?
loves,
M
How's that for empowering?
loves,
M
29.1.10
Mongolia
Today I felt like walking to Mongolia
You know, just for a change of scenery, some new faces. As I walked this old skin of mine would slowly lose affinity for this body. Here and there, pieces of this old me would be replaced by new ones. I would stop and see some familiar faces along the way, but the further I got from home, the more I would feel humanity is my family.
Swimming across the Atlantic would be tough, just me and my napsack, especially considering I have less than kind words to say about large waves and rocking motions, but I think I could manage.
Think of the adventures I would have, walking old Roman roads to the end of the earth. Think of the lessons I would learn, like never to eat pickled liver or trust a man with one eye. Think of the pain I would see, of the joy. Think of the person that would come to inhabit my body.
Think of the burdens that would be placed on my shoulders. Think of the ones that I would be leaving behind. Think of how small I would feel.
Today I want to walk to Mongolia. Tomorrow it will probably be New Guinea, but what's an extra thousand miles?
M
You know, just for a change of scenery, some new faces. As I walked this old skin of mine would slowly lose affinity for this body. Here and there, pieces of this old me would be replaced by new ones. I would stop and see some familiar faces along the way, but the further I got from home, the more I would feel humanity is my family.
Swimming across the Atlantic would be tough, just me and my napsack, especially considering I have less than kind words to say about large waves and rocking motions, but I think I could manage.
Think of the adventures I would have, walking old Roman roads to the end of the earth. Think of the lessons I would learn, like never to eat pickled liver or trust a man with one eye. Think of the pain I would see, of the joy. Think of the person that would come to inhabit my body.
Think of the burdens that would be placed on my shoulders. Think of the ones that I would be leaving behind. Think of how small I would feel.
Today I want to walk to Mongolia. Tomorrow it will probably be New Guinea, but what's an extra thousand miles?
M
9.12.09
3.8.09
summer reading
I went to the library the other day. Thought I would check out some light summer reading.
the guy at the counter took one look at me and said, "research paper."
yep.
M
6.7.09
little
I don't think I've ever felt so small
as I do in international development class
as I do in international development class
It seems like we talk in circles, my head spinning as I listen.
One person says one thing, another the contradiction. They throw around highbrowed terms, thinking that they know what they are talking about. I try to follow, but rarely get up the courage to say what I really think. Everyone's statements are hollow, empty shells of thoughts no one can manage to articulate. Of course they mean well, but can any of us really do anything?
Oh how I long for sweet innocence! The days when I thought my brain and my hands were big enough to take on this mighty world. Growing comes at a heavy price.
Faith and hope abandon me for cheap thrills down at the carnival each time I step into B032 Monday, Wednesday, Friday. I walk out of class gasping for air. And yet, in the same moment of my despair, fire rages beneath the surface, and my soul is ready to jump on a plane this instant bound for the ends of the earth. An angel and a devil, both enticing me to act and to let go.
I try to walk my feelings out, decompressing as I pound the pavement on my way home from class to my empty apartment. I come in to a room full of things, all their value and meaning useless. Think, M, think. Who are you?
M
28.6.09
writing is an elusive friend. sometimes he comes sometimes he goes. sometimes he is my closest companion, the only one who seems to be there, to listen, to share wisdom and advice, and to tell me things that I knew all along. And other times... he leaves me all alone. I sit down, attempting to call my muse as I desperately try to find the words to express how feel and he runs, never to look back at my perplexed and frustrated expression.
lately he's been unavailable, busy, fickle, mean, vindictive...
just gone.
trying coax my muse back so I can say what I mean to say,
M
lately he's been unavailable, busy, fickle, mean, vindictive...
just gone.
trying coax my muse back so I can say what I mean to say,
M
14.6.09
11.6.09
Taking Stock
I'm too tired
I have a chemistry assignment to do
ha. add it to the list
It's so late
this is more pertinent
tomorrow I'll think about it
I can't think about it while I'm wearing pajamas
my eye hurts
I JUST DON'T WANT TO
But no matter how I try to push, shove, kick, or intimidate the thoughts out of my head, they keep worming their way into my stream of consciousness as if it was a rotten apple.
The worms:
It's time to reevaluate
check out my priorities
face reality
make some changes
do what I know I should be doing
have a heart to heart with myself
admit what I really want
make to do lists and do them
be productive
own up to my weaknesses
realize I can't do everything
find my happy place
Be a better grown up (even if I'm still pretending at it)
I'll start tomorrow.
hehe,
M
I have a chemistry assignment to do
ha. add it to the list
It's so late
this is more pertinent
tomorrow I'll think about it
I can't think about it while I'm wearing pajamas
my eye hurts
I JUST DON'T WANT TO
But no matter how I try to push, shove, kick, or intimidate the thoughts out of my head, they keep worming their way into my stream of consciousness as if it was a rotten apple.
The worms:
It's time to reevaluate
check out my priorities
face reality
make some changes
do what I know I should be doing
have a heart to heart with myself
admit what I really want
make to do lists and do them
be productive
own up to my weaknesses
realize I can't do everything
find my happy place
Be a better grown up (even if I'm still pretending at it)
I'll start tomorrow.
hehe,
M
4.6.09
advice to future me
You don't really like carrots. You think that you do, but every time you buy them they sit in the fridge for a few weeks until you throw them away.
Never wear mom pants. No matter how "mommy" you are.
You had a dream. To make a difference. Do. not. forget.
Stay informed. Remember what you love to do, see, hear
create
work on that indecisive thing. Trust your instinct and don't question it
never under any circumstances puff your hair up high, wear any sort of loose fitting jumper or clothing with animals/fruit/martini glasses on it, call strangers sweetheart or honey, or settle for anything less than you deserve.
Remember that one day you'll look back on this school thing with longing and wish for the endless days in the library, late nights with roommates, and poor dietary habits (oops. that's advice to present self).
be you. always.
M
Never wear mom pants. No matter how "mommy" you are.
You had a dream. To make a difference. Do. not. forget.
Stay informed. Remember what you love to do, see, hear
create
work on that indecisive thing. Trust your instinct and don't question it
never under any circumstances puff your hair up high, wear any sort of loose fitting jumper or clothing with animals/fruit/martini glasses on it, call strangers sweetheart or honey, or settle for anything less than you deserve.
Remember that one day you'll look back on this school thing with longing and wish for the endless days in the library, late nights with roommates, and poor dietary habits (oops. that's advice to present self).
be you. always.
M
16.5.09
dandelion wine
It started with an early morning. The sun was flooding into the room and the light surrounding me, lifting my eyelids to enjoy the day. Warmth enveloped me.
His name will be had for good and evil in all nations, kindreds, and tongues. "Consider the implications of that announcement" My thoughts turned to gratitude for that man. My mind has been full of his words, his story, and his faith. Read this. Or this. Or maybe this.
I climbed those steps. Each time I feel like it should get easier but it doesn't. I was met by a sloping, perfectly cared-for hill of green grass and a view that belonged on a postcard. Enjoy it. Take advantage of it. Exploit it. It will always be there but I will not always be here. Remember.
I cuddled to him close, his tired eyes struggling to awake. He rubbed his blanky back and forth in his ear subconsciously and burrowed his head in my side. That smile. Those eyes. I just melt. He pulled a popsicle out of the box "here ya go sissy!" pulled one out for himself and we were out on the lawn laughing as his popsicle fell apart and he slurped up as much as he could. I've never seen such excitement bottled up in one little body. Perfect. Day.
I didn't want to do it, but I knew I had to. I told myself I'd make it quick and easy. No pain. I felt like I my feet were dragging as I stumbled out of the house. But as the cement turned into asphalt and the song finally came on, I couldn't help but smile. Faster, faster, faster. Push, breathe, harder. More. I wanted to breathe harder, until the oxygen permeated every last inch of my body and soul. I looked around: green. Someone seemed to have slipped a green filter lens over my eyes for that is all I could behold. Life.
It's finally summer.
It's here. I'm here. Happy. Content. Grateful. Free.
M
His name will be had for good and evil in all nations, kindreds, and tongues. "Consider the implications of that announcement" My thoughts turned to gratitude for that man. My mind has been full of his words, his story, and his faith. Read this. Or this. Or maybe this.
I climbed those steps. Each time I feel like it should get easier but it doesn't. I was met by a sloping, perfectly cared-for hill of green grass and a view that belonged on a postcard. Enjoy it. Take advantage of it. Exploit it. It will always be there but I will not always be here. Remember.
I cuddled to him close, his tired eyes struggling to awake. He rubbed his blanky back and forth in his ear subconsciously and burrowed his head in my side. That smile. Those eyes. I just melt. He pulled a popsicle out of the box "here ya go sissy!" pulled one out for himself and we were out on the lawn laughing as his popsicle fell apart and he slurped up as much as he could. I've never seen such excitement bottled up in one little body. Perfect. Day.
I didn't want to do it, but I knew I had to. I told myself I'd make it quick and easy. No pain. I felt like I my feet were dragging as I stumbled out of the house. But as the cement turned into asphalt and the song finally came on, I couldn't help but smile. Faster, faster, faster. Push, breathe, harder. More. I wanted to breathe harder, until the oxygen permeated every last inch of my body and soul. I looked around: green. Someone seemed to have slipped a green filter lens over my eyes for that is all I could behold. Life.
It's finally summer.
It's here. I'm here. Happy. Content. Grateful. Free.
M
6.5.09
still
yep
still here
still alive
still in the library
still craving chocolate
still wishing for time to be still
M
still here
still alive
still in the library
still craving chocolate
still wishing for time to be still
M
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