grumpy

I felt the wind up, I felt the tense atmosphere, the stress dripping off people’s foreheads. Finals. Living with eighty other people who are taking the exact same classes as you is not highly recommended. Inevitably you will explode with all the studying you see going on. I had to constantly remind myself that everyone has different study habits and that I could do this even though I didn’t stay up all night making flash cards of the all the Arabic words our techer ever said in class.

I was grumpy. Stressed yes, but also just plain grumpy and I wasn’t sure why. All I knew was that I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to be anywhere. After a yet another day of useless pretending to study, I threw my backpack on and thumbed down the stairs, trying to push tears back out of my eyes as I opened the door to my room. I shed my backpack, wishing I was really shedding my skin and starting afresh. I walked past my roommates out on to the balcony, the view greeting me like an old friend. I carefully stepped into the dirt, zigzagging my way through thorned rose bushes and hopped over the fence. I sat down in my favorite spot, my feet dangling over the edge of the wall and looking down onto the patio below.

The sunsets are always good here. As I sat there trying to forget my day, I thought about the view that was greeting me. Immediately in front and below me is the little patch of land just below the center. The neighborhood boys like to go there to make mischief, play games and walk dogs. My eyes moved upward and I met the little neighborhood we walk through everyday to get to the city. The little red-headed girl that waves at us each time we pass (why there is a red-headed little girl in East Jerusalem is beyond me), the little pesky boys who poke us with sticks or throw small rocks at us, the horse that eats garbage in the field just down the street, the tour buses lined up along the sidewalk, the school kids all lined up waiting to catch the bus, and row upon row of houses built up the hill. My mind carried me around the bend, just over my neighborhood to the Mt. of Olives where I imagined olive trees without end, endless churches, and the Garden. I turned next to the view directly in front of me. I traced the road I find myself walking almost everyday up past Lana’s snack shack, past the store we dubbed “the Arab Costco” and up to crash corner. There I met by a view now so familiar to me I could draw it with my eyes closed. I saw the Dome, with it’s gold hues reflecting back at me, the Holy Sepulcher, Dormition Abbey peeking out from Mt. Zion, and the wall, standing there as it has for hundreds of years, watching thousands of stories unfold before it. I though about the people that I pass as I walk in the city. Women in sparkly heels, silver tops and head scarves. Men with earlocks and large furry black hats. Little children, so cute I want to stow them away and take them home with me.

My heart opened as I my mind filled with these thoughts. How much I’ve learned. How much I’ve come to love.

Grateful,
m

jordan

Jordan was good to me.
studying for my million tests,
m

peeking through the wall at petra
the treasury!
Jerash
the glorious mall in Amman

halfway

This last week marks halfway. It makes me so sad to think half of the bliss is already over, but so grateful that I have so much manna ahead of me. As I reflect on these last 8 weeks of my journey, I see already how much I have changed. My mind and eyes have been stretched and opened to so much knowledge and goodness. My heart as been softened and healed, pulled and pushed, and grown to include two peoples that exist in one place, but at first glance seem so different. The other day as we took the short cut from Aladdin's (the money changer) to the nativity shops, it hit me: I live here. It is one of my homes. A piece of my heart has fallen in love here. And although I will not let go of all the goodness I found in other places, a part of me belongs here. Jerusalem is my city. It is such a good feeling. That first day, that first sight of the Old City, was so overwhelming with sights and sounds, I didn't ever think I would grow to know it. Although I still have so much to learn from this Holy Land, I am beginning to know the city. It is such an enlightening feeling. We had a fireside tonight in which both of the speakers reminded us that we are different, set apart from the world here, we bear a light, a light of truth. They reminded us to not just walk this land, but to let it pass through us. To have scriptures and thoughts come to us as we see these wondrous sites. And that we will not find Christ at the Garden tomb or on Herod's Steps, but in our hearts, as we study his life and teachings and strive to live and become more like Him. So inspiring.

My faith has grown, my heart changed, and my countenance hopefully becoming more like His.

embracing the journey,
m

typical

our days are crazy. take today as our case study:
5:00 up for some review for our ANES midterm
6:15 get ready for the day
6:30 breakfast
7:00 quick apartment cleaning for room check
7:30 Old Testament
9:30 dash down to the room to indulge in our room check reward
9:45 Judaism class
11:00 Ancient Near Eastern Studies midterm
12:00 lunch
12:30 some reading and a quick nap
2:00 Palestinian class
4:15 walk to the western wall
4:45 observe the beginning of Jewish sabbath
6:00 walk back to the center
6:30 dinner
7:30 quick call to the mama
8:00 off to socialize and eat some treats
9:00 reminisce about my childhood as I watch Anastasia
10:30 bed (hopefully I'll make it)

and each minute of that busy schedule is spent growing in ways I didn't think was possible. Can my brain grow that big? I hope it can
exhausted,
m

Sinai

probably my favorite part of our whole trip. Wake up call was 1:00am. the stars were amazing, the view magnanimous, and the spiritual experience beautiful. I wish I had time to write in detail about it, but alas my to do list is longer than the nile.
finally caught up on egypt posts,
m

Cairo again

cairo=
overnight train from luxor
trip to the egyptian museum to see lots of famous things
lunch at Hard Rock cafe that included group dancing and loud music
the bazaar (yet another one)

sleep

muhammud ali citadel
another mosque
driving

sinai

sorry I'm not more descriptive.
m

our cute little train compartment
muhammud ali citadel

luxor day two

ah... same excuse as last time,
m

Luxor
Karnak
Karnak
(temples of course. don't know what I'm talking about? look it up on wikipedia!)

luxor day one

For lack of time, I'm leaving the story of my first day in luxor be told by my pictures and brief captions. I have way too much to do to be blogging.
busy busy,
m

me and whiskey, my trusty camel
me and king tut's tomb, valley of the kings
me and Ramses III temple

the py-ram-ids

our first official day in Egypt was filled with pyramids, tombs and temples. Can it get any more Egyptian? I feel like I've said it a million times, but it felt so unreal. I could not believe that men made those vast, huge structures. After taking pictures at the Khufu pyramid, we went to Khafre's pyramid. The tunnel looked small, but I thought I could take it. Until the smell and the heat and the humidity met me at the doorway. yuck. but... when would I ever get to go INSIDE a pyramid again. So in I went. downupdownleveluplevel. step after step. I made it. The tomb had been raided thousands of years ago, but it was still amazing nonetheless. leveldownlevelupdownup. I made it. air.

Next stop was the pyramid overlook. total typical tourist trap, but great picture taking opportunity. Then on to the sphinx. It was also awesome. Also unreal. Off to the step pyramid of Zoser and his temple complex. I got my first glimpse of authentic hieroglyphs. They were so beautiful. I feel like I just keep describing everything the same way, but I can't help myself. There is no other way to describe it but amazing and beautiful. And my brain is too busy to think of any other way to say it. You just had to be there I guess.

another day in the works,
m

me, Khufu, and my model pose
midge enjoying the pyramids too
hehe. the pyramid overlook. I was really excited
step pyramid of Zoser

into Egypt

the next day was spent mostly in the bus, driving long hours, chatting, thinking, listening, and sleeping. But before all of that, we had to make it through the border. I've never seen more serious and intimidating people in my life. I felt like if I smiled they wouldn't let me through. Luckily we all made it even in good time. Several hours later after passing through virtually nothing but desert, we made it into Cairo. I never knew the bus could maneuver like that. You know you are in a different world when buses carrying 45 people are on the same freeway as donkey carts. Egypt reminded me so much of the Philippines. I loved just soaking it all up. Just when I thought I couldn't take anything more in, our professor casually said over the mic "if you look to your right, some of you will get your first glimpse of the pyramids" we were like kids running to the ice cream truck. Everyone screamed cheered, and ran to one side of the bus to see the grand pyramids in the distance. Although I was disappointed they were so close to the city, it really was an amazing site to see them. Literally unreal. The night ended with a check in at our nice hotel, a quick dinner, and the light and sound show at the pyramids. We were giddy, jumpy up and down, giggling with delight as we watched the "history" of the pyramids.

m

my first step onto egyptain ground
the pyramids from the bus

the journey begins

as always, our director and teachers are finding ways to maximize our time in the Holy Land. So not only did we drive down to Egypt, we also stopped at important sites on our path. First stop: Tel Be'er Sheva, one of the homes of Abraham and the sourthen most tip of the ancient Israelite kingdom. We were required to wear hardhats, which made the visit seem very adventurous and dangerous. It's wasn't, but at least it made us feel that way. All that has been unearthed of the city (most of the remnants are from Solomonic times) are walls that reveal the basic plan of the city and it's gates. As we walked into a portion of the city, they talked to us about the gate system of ancient cities. Each gate was placed in a significant configuration to make entry as difficult as possible for invaders. We also had the opportunity to go into their aqueduct and see how they saved their most vital resource. Bossman then related the experience to the Lord's teachings. He used both these images to communicate that he is the protectorate of His people defending us as a gate in the city. He is the life that carries us onward and upward day to day, the essential source of renewal and happiness in our lives.

Second stop was Wilderness of Zin overlook. Essentially the grand canyon of Israel, I was overwhelmed with awe as we peeked over the edge at a vast and beautiful wasteland. My heart suddenly hurt as I realized: this is where the children of Israel wandered. And suddenly I knew them, I knew their tired and heavy hearts, I understood why they murmured, why they couldn't look up, why they couldn't seem to remember Him as they should. Nothing green met my eyes for miles except for a small wadi snaking below deep in the valley. It seemed so beautifully tragic, a forgotten land. No wonder they felt they were a forgotten people. Although my heart was filled with sympathy for them as their wanderings came alive to me, I also realized that just as the Children of Israel, we too travel through the wilderness of life. We become tired and heavy, feeling like we are forsaken in a wasteland. But all it takes is a simple look up-the faith to see Him there, even in the desert. He is there. Always.

Last stop was Avdat, essentially a trading post and rest stop for the Nabataeans. The sky was the perfect shade of blue and the ruins the perfect juxtaposition against it. We were the only group there and allowed to just run loose and explore the place. So cool. SOOO cool.

We ended the day with a tour of a Kibbutz, an amazing dinner, fits of laughter, and sleep. good day.

More to come,
m

the girls in our hardhats
overlook at Tel Be'er Sheva
roommates at Zin overlook
Zin Wilderness
me at beautiful Avdat

disclaimer

I'm back from Egypt and ready to post! As I sifted through my hundreds of pictures to find the select few to grace the pages of the suki diaries, I decided a disclaimer was in order:
first and foremost that is a fanny pack I'm wearing. And it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Stylish? no. fits everything you need and is hands free? yes.

Secondly, you will see clothing repeats. I don't have a lot of options on an 8-day trip with a limited wardrobe. deal with it.

and lastly and most importantly, we were constantly out and about seeing this and that, spending hours walking in the heat, living off of bread and rice (everything else was gross or off limits due to sketchiness), and living off of little sleep which all equals delusion. Therefore I am not responsible for the stupid poses and faces I am making in pictures. Half the pictures I don't even remember taking.

awesome pics coming soon!
m

why i heart tel aviv

the Mediterranean. need I saw more?

one pieces. they are super flattering

wandering around the city

finally getting to the museum of art

the mediterranean

off to egypt,
m

the ark

yesterday we had an amazing opportunity. Yet another one to add to my "once in a life time" quickly growing list. We got to go here. They are putting this away forever so it literally was an experience of a lifetime. I marveled at the beauty of these documents, at the people who kept these records, and the devotion that they kept. We also saw this, which was so awesome, a living replica of a time and place I think I will come to learn intimately.

After the museum, we split up into groups, and our van went to the Biblical Zoo, where we saw a vast array animalia that lived in the Holy Land during Bible times. It would have looked like any other zoo in the states except... well, lets just say that the cages aren't quite as secure as the ones in the states. Having a small wire fence, a ditch, and another short iron fence separate me from the cheetahs didn't quite feel like enough. We got to walk right up to the kangaroos, and even had an encounter with the birds in the tropical aviary that resulted with Cheese getting a little "present" dropped on her finger, and me having a show down with a specimen and some mighty large talons.

However, the highlight of the visit was the ark. Yes the ark. We walked up to it's high, sloping, wooden sides and giggled with delight at the picture possibilities that opened up to us. So fun.

off to do yet another reading assignment,
m

lucky

Fannypacks+sunscreen+flowyskirt+sunglasses+hat+hymnbook+ fieldtripguide+40students+2instructors+onebigbus=ourfirst fieldtrip. We went to several lookouts throughout the area to get a feel for the geography of the area so we can place important events in the history and Bible within the setting right outside the classroom. As we walked on a bridge over crusader-period ruins leaving the first site, it suddenly hit me. I am here. And for a moment I caught a glimpse of the vastness of this opportunity . Excitement filled my bones and my step quickened as I stepped onto the bus for the next adventure.

During Old Testament today disappointment met my ears as we all learned we would not be going to the western wall tonight due to another day of tight security. I suddenly felt a whinny voice rise up from the depths to fill my head. I wanted to ask why, and to say it wasn't fair, that I had been looking forward to this. But something quickly, but quietly stifled those thoughts. My heart began to fill with gratitude. As I listened to my teacher, who was equally upset, explain why, I once again appreciated the moment. That I am here. That I get to go to the Western Wall at all. That I get to learn and grow in ways I never thought possible. That I get to have once in a lifetime opportunities in plenty. That I get to be spiritually and mentally fed by teachers each day that are inspired and impassioned enough to let us dip into their wells of knowledge and drink deeply. That I am slowly, subtly, in the quiet moments, guided to become.
lucky, blessed, guided,
m

Hogwarts

During a very giggly game of skip-bo yesterday afternoon, I suddenly found myself in the middle of an epiphany. My ah-ha realization: I live at Hogwarts.

We were in lock-down yesterday (100,000 people trying to find their way onto the Dome of the Rock for the first friday of Ramadan=security threat). In some ways it was nice to get somethings done, catch up on the journal writing, breath for a second, and get to spend time with my fellow students playing games and eating pita bread.

During one such game, someone made a reference to Hogwarts. Several us looked up at once and realized: WE LIVE AT HOGWARTS. We then proceeded to rattle off a list of the similarities between the JC and the wonderful world of Mr Harry Potter. Besides the wands and magic (although you could substitute those for our JC-issued fanny packs with ghetto headphones and a receiver and our shear excitement to be here) we live in the same world. We eat in a great hall, ie The Oasis, which comes with an amazing view of the city and yummy food. We attend class here where we live, eat, and sleep. Each living floor consists of a common room, with girls rooms on the right and boys on the left, but we also have a great common room, ie the student lounge on the 6th floor. Our professors also live in our castle, eat meals with us, and training us to be Ancient Near East Master Historians. The Old City is our Hogsmeade, with quirky shops, interesting characters, and yummy food. Our forbidden Forest is the off limits parts city that we are not allowed to visit. We have a magical staff that keeps the building sparkling clean, and I hardly ever see them... just like the oh-so-careful house elves. Along with that Mr. Filch's role is taken by a lot nicer and much less grumpy service couples in charge of our housing, health, and community service AND we even have JC cats that hang around the grounds, although they aren't quite as nosy as Mrs. Norris. Especially over the last couple of days as we get settled in, the center has become our world, just as Hogwarts is for the little wizards in training. And most of all, we live in the most beautiful amazing place and building, just like the HP world.
basically my life rocks,
m

You should be glad I've even posted once because...

Everytime I try to post it is an interesting experience considering blogger recognizes I'm in Jerusalem and decides to put everything in Hebrew, which is not only a foreign language and uses a completely different alphabet than we do, but is read from right to left, meaning that all the blanks that you fill in to sign in to blogger normally are backwards. I feel like I'm on a not-so-funny game show as I try to guess where to enter my email address as opposed to my password. So... you should be grateful I even bother to put myself through that stress at all.
Just giving you a reason to count your blessings. hehe,
M

here

Finally.

It is different than I imagined in so many ways, but the same in so many others. It feels foreign, but not completely, there is a familiarity that seems to fill the air here too. I have yet to figure out why. I have to remind myself that I'm in Jerusalem, it still hasn't quite sunk in yet despite the view that greets me every time I glance through a window.

The city is full of life, life that is very different from my own. There are chaotic drivers, crazy confusing streets, vendors out greeting us, trying to entrap us with their products: "Hello, Utah!" they yell to us, "BYU how are YOU?", pungent smells of incense and spice, music seeping out into our ears from little shops, and the call to prayer radiating out from the green-lit towers. There is a rhythm of life here, one that I am anxious to learn.

Everything here strikes me as beautiful, but what amazes me the most is that amongst all this chaos and craziness, modernity and technology, there is a quiet, ancient, sacredness that resides with these people. Their devotion to their land, people, and religion is astounding. They wear it openly, for everyone to see whether it be by beards and prayer shawls, or long dresses and a head scarf.

There is so much to see and do here, my brain can hardly comprehend that I will get to experience most of it, but not just once, I will get to know the city, love it, and learn from it. I. cannot. wait.

m