step

One step two step three step four

Step step step step
Is it really over?

All of us were there. Just us
Stepping the same
Endless paths before us
Somehow it would always be this way

Then I stepped there and you here
You and I
Different.
One step more and they are strangers to me

It hurts sometimes
A child ripped from her playthings


Hundreds of steps
Thousands of steps
Millions of steps
He stepped there


So many steps.
But not too many
I should have counted

I can’t
Lift my eyes to the stars
Hold my hand, touch my heart
Tell me the secret to make my eyes twinkle again
And then let go

I told you I wouldn’t forget this time
Step step

But I did
Tell me again will you?


My eyes averted I continue on
Step step
It hurts and I know it

Turn. Do it. I dare you
Don’t think. Remember
Step step step


M

microBIOLOGY

you know when you are a mircobiology major when:

you hear the words staphylcoccus aureus and your skin jumps with excitement and butterflies flit around in your stomach like kissing the boy of your dreams for the first time.

you climb the 10 flights of stairs to the eighth floor of the WIDB. every. day. .

the only pictures on your camera of late are ones of the bacteria you grew on your petri dish

you spend two hours harvesting and planting seeds so tiny you can barely see them

you spend all day with your hands in inoculated petri dishes full of bacteria ranging from salmonella to some strain that resembles cholera if it infects you and you like it

you start throwing words around like PCR, DNA extraction, inoculate, Agar, infectious, pili, interferon, lipopolysaccharide, and cytotoxic T cell like those were the first words you spoke as a toddler.

you've become a biohazard to the entire BYU campus.

This semester will be interesting,
M

wearing

do you ever put on an outfit and walking out the door thinking, why the heck am I wearing this?

Today is that day.

making poor fashion choices,
m

pilgrimage

The Tel Aviv Airport

The Old City

Augusta Victoria Church

Model City: The Israel Museum

Tel Aviv

Tel Beer She'va

Wilderness of Zin overlook

The Pyramids

The Sphinx

Saqqara

The Camel Safari

Citadel of Salah Al-Din

Ibn Tulun Mosque

Mt. Sinai

The Dome of the Rock

Valley of Elah (where David met Goliath)

Church of the Holy Sepulchre

Hezekiah's Tunnel

Dormission Abbey

Madaba

Petra

The Church of the Nativity

The Red Sea

Caesarea Maritima

In Galilee, near the Golan Heights

Gamla (site of one of the first clashes in the Great Revolt)

Bet She'an

The bus where my tired feet spent many hours

Masada

The Dead Sea

walking on the usual route back to the Center from the City

home. 18 days. 12 hours. 37 minutes. 07 seconds and counting...

Each second it gets further away, memories become that much more distant, and the feeling that it was all a dream-an alternate universe-becomes more real. It once again feels like a distant land. When I think such a thought I immediately accompany it with several others. I force my mind to recall the palace that is the Center. I remind myself of the pain my legs felt as I walked up the hill to the Old City. I try to hearken the smells, the business, the faces back to my mind. I can hear the prayer call filling my ears with beauty. Most of all I try to summon that glow, that constant uplifting and power I didn’t know I had until it was gone. It was real. I know it. I know it.

Home is good. Home is hard. Home is here, but home is somewhere distant as well.

We sat around the oasis table eating our typical lunch of fruit, some questionable meat, egg and pasta concoction, pitas and more pitas. It was one of the first days and we were taking a break from our many orientations and were discussing our new lives and the journey we were about to embark on. One of the boys remarked, "I think more than anything this is a pilgrimage, that's what Brother Huntington said last night and that is how I'm going to treat it from now on."

His words struck me. At the time I did not fully understand how this journey was a pilgrimage, but now it is the best word, for lack of a better one, to describe the journey that I went on. Thousands of people make their own pilgrimage to Jerusalem. They sacrifice time, money, and the way of the world to come to this ancient place and pay their respects to the sacredness this land possesses. But the sacredness of this place does not just come from the places themselves, but from the value that the people put on them. From their goodness and devotion to God. From their yearning to become better, more like Him. From their pilgrimage.

I thought of the best way to document my journey in Jerusalem in a meaningful way. To me, this sums up my journey. A piece of me and a piece of the land. Just a small smattering of all the places were my feet walked. Evidence I passed through there, but really that the land passed through me, whispered it's secrets into my ear, and guided me as I learned to open my mind and heart.

A pilgrim's footsteps in Jerusalem.

You’ll find some glaring omissions in my collection. Where are the quintessential Jerusalem sights? Where is the Garden Tomb, the Garden of Gethsemane, Galilee?

My foot prints to do not appear in such places because I consider them sacred ground. I am one among thousands who have walked that hallowed ground and have been touched, my heart marked rather than my footprint left. Such an event is deemed sacred and deserves reverence, written upon the walls of my heart and kept close.

My last piece is at the Center. The white limestone characterizing the Center and the Eternal City. My empty, worn, walking shoes. These shoes contain so many memories, not only in Jerusalem, but they represent a whole life before my journey to that distant land. An old life I shed in Jerusalem to become a better person. And a piece of me I left in the land I love. Empty shoes to be filled by other students. Others who will love the land just as much as I do, who will feel the center is their home, and the people their people. And I, I will continue on.

my heart belongs in Jerusalem, and I pray for peace.

beginning a new kind of journey, but taking all I have learned from this monumental one,
m

grumpy

I felt the wind up, I felt the tense atmosphere, the stress dripping off people’s foreheads. Finals. Living with eighty other people who are taking the exact same classes as you is not highly recommended. Inevitably you will explode with all the studying you see going on. I had to constantly remind myself that everyone has different study habits and that I could do this even though I didn’t stay up all night making flash cards of the all the Arabic words our techer ever said in class.

I was grumpy. Stressed yes, but also just plain grumpy and I wasn’t sure why. All I knew was that I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to be anywhere. After a yet another day of useless pretending to study, I threw my backpack on and thumbed down the stairs, trying to push tears back out of my eyes as I opened the door to my room. I shed my backpack, wishing I was really shedding my skin and starting afresh. I walked past my roommates out on to the balcony, the view greeting me like an old friend. I carefully stepped into the dirt, zigzagging my way through thorned rose bushes and hopped over the fence. I sat down in my favorite spot, my feet dangling over the edge of the wall and looking down onto the patio below.

The sunsets are always good here. As I sat there trying to forget my day, I thought about the view that was greeting me. Immediately in front and below me is the little patch of land just below the center. The neighborhood boys like to go there to make mischief, play games and walk dogs. My eyes moved upward and I met the little neighborhood we walk through everyday to get to the city. The little red-headed girl that waves at us each time we pass (why there is a red-headed little girl in East Jerusalem is beyond me), the little pesky boys who poke us with sticks or throw small rocks at us, the horse that eats garbage in the field just down the street, the tour buses lined up along the sidewalk, the school kids all lined up waiting to catch the bus, and row upon row of houses built up the hill. My mind carried me around the bend, just over my neighborhood to the Mt. of Olives where I imagined olive trees without end, endless churches, and the Garden. I turned next to the view directly in front of me. I traced the road I find myself walking almost everyday up past Lana’s snack shack, past the store we dubbed “the Arab Costco” and up to crash corner. There I met by a view now so familiar to me I could draw it with my eyes closed. I saw the Dome, with it’s gold hues reflecting back at me, the Holy Sepulcher, Dormition Abbey peeking out from Mt. Zion, and the wall, standing there as it has for hundreds of years, watching thousands of stories unfold before it. I though about the people that I pass as I walk in the city. Women in sparkly heels, silver tops and head scarves. Men with earlocks and large furry black hats. Little children, so cute I want to stow them away and take them home with me.

My heart opened as I my mind filled with these thoughts. How much I’ve learned. How much I’ve come to love.

Grateful,
m

jordan

Jordan was good to me.
studying for my million tests,
m

peeking through the wall at petra
the treasury!
Jerash
the glorious mall in Amman

halfway

This last week marks halfway. It makes me so sad to think half of the bliss is already over, but so grateful that I have so much manna ahead of me. As I reflect on these last 8 weeks of my journey, I see already how much I have changed. My mind and eyes have been stretched and opened to so much knowledge and goodness. My heart as been softened and healed, pulled and pushed, and grown to include two peoples that exist in one place, but at first glance seem so different. The other day as we took the short cut from Aladdin's (the money changer) to the nativity shops, it hit me: I live here. It is one of my homes. A piece of my heart has fallen in love here. And although I will not let go of all the goodness I found in other places, a part of me belongs here. Jerusalem is my city. It is such a good feeling. That first day, that first sight of the Old City, was so overwhelming with sights and sounds, I didn't ever think I would grow to know it. Although I still have so much to learn from this Holy Land, I am beginning to know the city. It is such an enlightening feeling. We had a fireside tonight in which both of the speakers reminded us that we are different, set apart from the world here, we bear a light, a light of truth. They reminded us to not just walk this land, but to let it pass through us. To have scriptures and thoughts come to us as we see these wondrous sites. And that we will not find Christ at the Garden tomb or on Herod's Steps, but in our hearts, as we study his life and teachings and strive to live and become more like Him. So inspiring.

My faith has grown, my heart changed, and my countenance hopefully becoming more like His.

embracing the journey,
m

typical

our days are crazy. take today as our case study:
5:00 up for some review for our ANES midterm
6:15 get ready for the day
6:30 breakfast
7:00 quick apartment cleaning for room check
7:30 Old Testament
9:30 dash down to the room to indulge in our room check reward
9:45 Judaism class
11:00 Ancient Near Eastern Studies midterm
12:00 lunch
12:30 some reading and a quick nap
2:00 Palestinian class
4:15 walk to the western wall
4:45 observe the beginning of Jewish sabbath
6:00 walk back to the center
6:30 dinner
7:30 quick call to the mama
8:00 off to socialize and eat some treats
9:00 reminisce about my childhood as I watch Anastasia
10:30 bed (hopefully I'll make it)

and each minute of that busy schedule is spent growing in ways I didn't think was possible. Can my brain grow that big? I hope it can
exhausted,
m

Sinai

probably my favorite part of our whole trip. Wake up call was 1:00am. the stars were amazing, the view magnanimous, and the spiritual experience beautiful. I wish I had time to write in detail about it, but alas my to do list is longer than the nile.
finally caught up on egypt posts,
m

Cairo again

cairo=
overnight train from luxor
trip to the egyptian museum to see lots of famous things
lunch at Hard Rock cafe that included group dancing and loud music
the bazaar (yet another one)

sleep

muhammud ali citadel
another mosque
driving

sinai

sorry I'm not more descriptive.
m

our cute little train compartment
muhammud ali citadel

luxor day two

ah... same excuse as last time,
m

Luxor
Karnak
Karnak
(temples of course. don't know what I'm talking about? look it up on wikipedia!)

luxor day one

For lack of time, I'm leaving the story of my first day in luxor be told by my pictures and brief captions. I have way too much to do to be blogging.
busy busy,
m

me and whiskey, my trusty camel
me and king tut's tomb, valley of the kings
me and Ramses III temple

the py-ram-ids

our first official day in Egypt was filled with pyramids, tombs and temples. Can it get any more Egyptian? I feel like I've said it a million times, but it felt so unreal. I could not believe that men made those vast, huge structures. After taking pictures at the Khufu pyramid, we went to Khafre's pyramid. The tunnel looked small, but I thought I could take it. Until the smell and the heat and the humidity met me at the doorway. yuck. but... when would I ever get to go INSIDE a pyramid again. So in I went. downupdownleveluplevel. step after step. I made it. The tomb had been raided thousands of years ago, but it was still amazing nonetheless. leveldownlevelupdownup. I made it. air.

Next stop was the pyramid overlook. total typical tourist trap, but great picture taking opportunity. Then on to the sphinx. It was also awesome. Also unreal. Off to the step pyramid of Zoser and his temple complex. I got my first glimpse of authentic hieroglyphs. They were so beautiful. I feel like I just keep describing everything the same way, but I can't help myself. There is no other way to describe it but amazing and beautiful. And my brain is too busy to think of any other way to say it. You just had to be there I guess.

another day in the works,
m

me, Khufu, and my model pose
midge enjoying the pyramids too
hehe. the pyramid overlook. I was really excited
step pyramid of Zoser