I sat down to write my paper about the ways in which bacteria cause disease. It was a tricky business at best. I mean I can whip out an intelligible paper about Kierkegaard, but how on earth do I make bacteria measure up to Kierkegaard? I turned on a little music, something to feel the void of silence that has been creeping around me since I’ve been solo this week. This song came on, not a masterpiece, but it is chalk full of memories from a time that seems far too long ago. I called her and made her listen to it. I hung up the phone and prepared to get back to work.
And then I cried.
And then I laughed. How the heck does a song like that make you cry? But I already knew the answer to that one. I cried for yesterday. I cried for late nights on gchat, noodle fights, dancing in the kitchen, quote walls, diapers, pranks, grey’s, brownies, always having someone there, skinny mirror, tarzn, gossip girl, cakes, creamery on 9nth, runs. I cried for them. It wasn’t a desperate cry, a cry of defeat or despair; it was a cry of change. That we’ve all moved on. I cried because I knew that is the way it is supposed to be.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy for her my veins are about to burst. And I’m so happy for her. And I’m so happy we are all finding ourselves, and settling in to places in our lives that seem so utterly us. But that doesn’t mean that every once and awhile I look back and cry, mourn the loss of something great, even if what has replaced it is even greater.
Somehow during this short year since we said goodbye to apt 2111, with an all out day of cleaning and one last hoorah, we’ve all managed to transform. And it is a good thing. But, all the busyness and plans and homework and dates and exercising and babysitting and extra curriculars and… life, takes its toll. And sometimes I cry.
I’m at a wonderful place right now in my life. I have immeasurable potential, a whole life before me, and lots of great people to share it all with. I’m grateful for all I have. And although sometimes I long for yesterday (thing this song) and as cheesy as it sounds, I am truly grateful for today.
Back to bacteria,
M
3 comments:
Melissa, your words are so beautiful and so true. I have to say that i feel the same way...there are times when all i want is to rewind time and go back to the wonderful oblivion of the sisterhood of 2111. I miss all our great chats, giggling in the hall, and our unplanned yet still choreographed music videos. I miss you! I love the wonderful people we have each turned into, and I love that we can always fall back on each other, but i miss us! I love you, next time the reminiscent tears start falling, call me so we share them together. Love you lots, J
I love when you write. I love reminiscing. I was reminiscing about the late nights we used to have and motocrossed and wish upon a star. And how I always had to be home at 9. I miss you so much!! Every time I hear frou frou, I think of you :) I've been craving los hermanos or pizzeria 712...soon?
okay, firstly, the word verification is "phapsta" which immediately reminded me of pap smear. lovely eh?
i miss us all the time. i think that our monthly dinners sustain my soul. and you're a poet. i'm so glad we're still close, even though i don't come in after a much too late night out and snuggle in your bed. and even though you don't disillusionally fall asleep in my bed and then curse me from the shelter of the bathroom walls... we can always be close.
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